IF ONLY(FANS)

First let me be clear: I do not have an Only Fans account. The title of this post will have one of three reactions. You’re either laughing along with the joke, especially at the picture, nodding and thinking it’s a great idea, or scratching your head wondering what the hell Only Fans is. For those in the last category, in brevity, Only Fans is a place where people post exclusive content for people who pay to consume that content, on a subscriber basis. To a large degree it has become mostly fetish adult content in some form or another. It is not gender specific, so everybody is welcome.

WTF?
I get that you might be curious as to where this post is going, so let me back up. One of the last times I met with a potential "collector" they were really curious why I don’t take my blog content and tailor it to an Only Fans(OF) style Patreon audience. Knowing that the majority of OF content skews adult material I couldn’t help but laugh and discuss with him the different ways in which I could present myself as a “bear“ for a specific audience who are interested in art. However, sexualizing myself aside, he was serious. Not using Patreon, but using Only Fans.

Really?
Yeah. Really. He didn’t think it should be adult content, but he really felt strongly that there would be people who would pay to see more personal stories and have greater access to me, my process and my studio. Like the old blog stories. Not just talking about mixing oil paint, but personal accounts of life and my daily routine. He felt this could give someone who otherwise is intrigued and engaged with my art, a chance to engage with me, in a very personal way, without the financial investment of acquisition. Interesting idea. I thought someone who engages with me personally and gets involved with my daily routine and can't buy my art was called a "girlfriend". However, I am open to new ideas.

Side Boob.
On the surface this was a rather intriguing concept: Allow more personal access to me and the studio, during specific times of the week. I straight up think this has no fucking value to anybody and really reeks of ego and vanity issues. However ...I could lean into that. (You’re supposed to laugh here) He felt this idea was pure gold, especially knowing my gifts socially, but, how much of me do you want for $10.00 a month? And what exactly am I supposed to do for it? No one wants to see "those" kind of pics of me let alone videos. And you know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact the picture to this post is most likely going to be met with derision and ridicule, so ...let's be realistic.

I do know two female artists who do quite well with Patreon and this style of content. They have great attributes that work for them in this venue. I don’t have those same attributes and if I stood next to their art and said “look at my new work” you would all ask if I had a head wound. That last comment will probably lose a friend or two, but just as some of their "truths" are too big to ignore ...so is this one.

If Only.
This brings us to the bigger problem: “If Only”. This is where one is told, usually unsolicited, by an individual who has had some success or notoriety in life, on how they could really be great, if they just did something different. I call this the “If Only” syndrome. I have heard this for years. In its most basic form, it goes something like the following: “If only you did [fill in the blank here] then you would be so successful.” There are many iterations of this, some more sophisticated some less …but in the end it is always some tweak or reimagining of what you already do, that would make all the difference in the world. And if only you did this one thing, your world would explode with potential and you would be so successful that they too would even be interested. Here is the thing. For all of the people who have said this to me, NONE of them have ever put their money behind any of my efforts. To be clear, money is what we are talking about here. Mortgages don't get paid on 'atta boys and accolades. Encouragement is great. Go pay your cell phone bill with that.

Maybe?
On the rare occasions where I did make a change, pivot or retool, nothing materialized into a tangible success. Making matters worse, those same individuals mysteriously vanished when it came time to put up. So I was left with a poorly focused, retooled effort, with no potential at all. Great. Oddly enough, the magic bullet that they prescribed also never amounted to the avalanche of success they were so convinced would happen. I could go on, but you get the point. I have countless stories, from people, some famous, that I would love to put on blast for offering sage advice to all those who could be so much more successful ...“if only”. This potential collector's idea about making an OF account was no different. I mean shit ...only is in the name, so you know this is going down the wrong path. I have been around long enough and heard this in so many iterations, that it has finally come down to essentially sexualizing myself for money. I get it. You didn't like the work ..but nobody wanna see that. Well ...I guess he did so I got that going for me. I know women reading this are saying "yeah dude ...me since high school."

Well...
In response to this idea, I did one better and I retreated into silence and contemplation. It has been 15 years or more since I let someone's ideas about my work shape what or where I am going, based on their potential interest and this was going to be no different. So, I spent the last 95 days in solitude, just working and creating. I shared nothing and I photographed or filmed next to nothing. It was great. Liberating, freeing… fill in the adjective, but great nonetheless.

Here is the point. You want to have real ownership and real access and insight to me and my work? It is so simple. Nothing needs to be tweaked or rethought or reimagined. All you have to do is buy a painting. My collectors get the world from me. When you acquire my work you get raw emotion, beauty, intrigue, didactic lessons, scale, nuance, color, mystery, conversation and life in one ready to hang piece of art. No, it's not $10.00 a month. However, we won't have to have awkward preplanned conversations from my studio while I try to remain relevant and appealing, so you feel like you are getting your subscription value. Ownership has a price.

Wrap Up.
I know you did not see this coming. I hope sharing this helps when you are encountered with great unsolicited ideas about being more successful. If you are struggling with how much of yourself to sell to get by, I hope my story gives you some insight that helps with your own decision making. Also, if you're going the OF route, let me know your account name. For my part, I promise no more unbuttoned shirt photos.